Let me start by telling you a story. Of a little girl who easily lost herself in the needs of others, until the pain of not connecting with her true self become so strong she finally found her voice.
My childhood felt like it was all about the needs of others. The need to be happy because my family wasn't. The need to love unconditionally because others didn't love themselves. The need to be quiet because the truth hurt.
I carried this sense of having to be what others needed for most of my life. I can only speak for myself, but I believe we all carry some version of this within us. If we are not careful these stories, these patterns, these beliefs can shape a path that leads us so far away from our true self until the pain becomes too much for us to bear.
I continued to build my life around feeling needed by others. I went into a job where I was a caretaker. I got into friendships where I became the type of friend they needed to feel supported. I tried to embody what I sensed those I dated wanted and needed me to be.
And this all left me feeling empty and created a pain that could only be numbed by drinking too much, telling myself it was all fun, that my life was mine, that I was living my best life.
Until I got tired of the pain. I got tired of feeling stuck. I felt tired of feeling needed.
It was the only thing I knew. But now I have made it my mission to find value in myself that isn't attached to another needing me. To forge my own path that feels true to who I am. I don't have all the answers. But I want to know who I am. So much so I am willing to do the internal work to connect with myself more and more and more. My path may feel messy at times, but it feels beautifully mine.
If you have some kind of version of this whether it is people pleasing, finding your value in how others see you, fear of being yourself and so on. You are not alone.
And if you want to forge a path that feels connected, and free, you can. We all have the ability to break away from the chains that keep us reliving the same story over and over again. And it starts with asking yourself questions and then truly listening too what is coming from within you.
Here is a place you can start. An exercise to try to break away from what you know and step into what your life can become.
Ask yourself this
- Who do I want to be?
See what come up for you. Instead of focusing on what you want to do, focus on who you want to become. This can reveal the work we need to do on ourselves as well as the things that make us feel alive.
2. What is my #1 challenge that is standing in my way? And what could happen if I don't try and transform or change it?
This can help us discover how we may be getting in our own way. What is standing between you and this person you want to be? What could happen if you don't do anything about it? Explore this question, and then seek out ways you can address the answers that come up. We and only we are responsible for seeking the support needed to move forward in life.
3. Imagine it is three years from now. You are now this person you wanted to be when you answered the question in this blog post. What did you do to become this person? And what impact has becoming this person had on your life?
Sometimes we need to envision the future within the present moment to remind ourselves of our ability to transform and forge our own paths NOW. I love this exercise as a way to get out of my head, dream the impossible, and realize the impossible is actually doable because I am capable.
You can ponder on these, write about them, talk to someone about them, leave them because it isn't for you. Whatever you chose, is right for you. I only wish to encourage you to explore in new ways. So that you can go on a journey that feels like YOU.
Thank you for taking the time. If this helps, resonates, inspires just one person, I am grateful.
If you have any questions or wish to connect you can always email me at email@example.com
You may also reach out if you are interested in joining a mastermind group around being true to yourself and forging your path in life. This group is called Spirited Rebels, let me know if you are interested:)